Actions… or lack thereof

When people say I am here for you…

But their actions are less than proving of such statements. It is a painful realization that either they dont care or are completely and utterly clueless as to what being there truly means.

I am 6 weeks away from having our 2nd child and if I felt remotely supported I wouldnt be writing this right now. I am in pain great pain with need of assistance to get things done at night, and I get stared at instead of helped, ignores instead of assisted.

I am asking. Pleading and nothing.

This is not how things are supposed to be. Not a 2nd time around, not ever.

So disheartened of the weeks and months that await me, alone. Because i am alone.


The wonders of it all…

We have got a miracle and blessing to share.

We have been on the house hunt for 6 months. Trying to get everything just right to be able to buy our 1st home.

We found a home I loved and he liked a lot. Fully redone, move in ready for our little growing family. The house price was right, we just needed seller to cover some closing costs…

We looked at it and waited, then decided to go for it after seeing several duds. We saw nearly 30 to 40 houses. We lost count saw so many.

When we put an offer literally within 24hrs the man had 2 more serious contender offers. We were 1st though, and would you believe he took our offer instead of the highest and best.

Move forward to inspection day just days later, the inspector further confirmed the house was a great value, he went on and on about the great kick ass character of the home and how nicely it had been refinished. The inspection of course had a small list of items which he stated would need correcting.

Inspection list sent to the borrower, standard clauses some must do others do it or give us credit for…. would you believe God is so good, the seller without hesitation said he would fix every single one of them for us. No questions asked, no push back…jusy we will take care of it all.

I mean God is awesome. He is aligning everything for us to be just right and we are just watching in awe of it all.

May the rest of this process be smooth and under Gods control. He sent us down this journey, now we will await as he sees us through to becoming home owners!!

Just had to share because He is so so good always and always faithful.

To my baby brother K.

This weekend stupid choices were made, and life took an unexpected turn. Thankfully nothing major, but definitely an opportunity for reflection.

You opened up your vulnerable heart to me, and in that moment, i was blessed to witness that you are a remarkable young man. You have grown with such vigor and love of life and all things good. You assess so much more than one typically does at your young age. You are a young man of promise and destiny well beyond our wildest dreams. You showed you listen, you reflect and you adjust. I pray more young people were like you, you arent perfect none of us are baby boy, but you have a heart so much bigger than many grown ups out in the world. I believe you will grow reflect and make a huge impact in the world.

I pray to always be able to listen to you, to guide you, support you, and above all things love you for who you are not the mistakes you make. Youth is a time of discovery, and you deserve an equal chance like the rest of us to fail and make dumb choices, but we will always have your back to protect you and keep you safe from harm.

I loved you when you were tiny and fit in my arms. I will continue to love you as you evolve into the man you are destined to be. I am proud to call you my brother, and i eagerly await to see the greatness you will surely show and grow into.

Love always your big sis. Xoxo z.

A snowy day in January…

This past week has been a whirlwind of events.

We got an offer accepted on our 1st house, we had our baby sprinkle and we have had our house inspection and we saw our baby girl.

Baby is about 5lbs, were 32 weeks along.

Estimate house closing is march 15th.

She is coming via c section march 20th.

She will be a spring baby.

So many changes, so many things. But blessing after blessing we move forward in Jesus name.

Today was a snowy day, a dreary day, but blessed just the same.

2018 is proving to be our best year yet.

Cannot wait to keep sharing with you all.

Dreams… not quite achieved

Weekend getaway to a dream location.

Island bound, all inclusive fun, and enjoyment.

The perfect scene to make things romantic and fresh and exciting, instead i got to wait around while cigar shops catered to this man….

I sat with friends instead of with my lover, I danced with strangers and not my love. Such a fun weekend to reconnect with friends, but in sight also disconnect from him even further.

I feel lonely on the most romantic vacation ive ever taken.
Dreams do come true just not how we planned…


Today is a Down day…

We are 5 and half months into this 10 month journey. I have thankfully been feeling a bit better now… back is sore as heck with no end in sight. 
Emotionally however, i am on the world’s most interesting ride. I am excited and overjoyed and then my spouse…makes me feel underwhelmed and undervalued and unappreciated. Hormones make it feel more so than it really is, He is honestly a wonderful whom i have now shared 13 years of my life with. He always goes above and beyond for me, but with this baby he seems to be truly clueless. For our 1st pregnancy he wasnt around much he worked two jobs at that time. We were also a bit younger…
I just need a good back rub and to be reminded that this is all but temporary. I enjoy seeing family and friends, but i am so easily overwhelmed internally that i cannot fathom to do too many visits on one time. My work life is taking a hit too, and these things though I know are normal make me feel very out of my element. I love being.pregnant, just not the feelings that accompany it.
Today, i just want to have a good cry but i honestly have no real good reason to except for this incredible back pain..

Bump Update…and more

Haven’t been on here in a while… But we are thrilled to share that we are still pregnant 5 months and we are having a girl.

 Our daughter is thrilled and excited and over the moon to become a big sister. We have had some scares since finding out, since making it public, since harboring hope. Thankfully these have not come at a price that would cost our family another loss. Baby girl still to be named is growing well and healthy and strong and proving to become healthy full-term baby. I’ve had some difficult weeks but thankfully and moving forward I’ve been feeling well.

 This has become a new chapter for our family and has helped to build a closer Bond between my husband and I and our daughter I should say daughters. We are blessed, joyful, hopeful, and excited for the months to come. Felt I should catch everyone up on this page and let them know how things were progressing. To those that read this thank you for your well wishes, thank you for your kind words, thank you for your love and support. Experiencing a loss and then getting the opportunity to experience a new life comes with terrifying fear that you may relive a loss again, it has been the support of our family and friends that have helped to make this and even more joyous occasion. For that we will forever be grateful. Thank you.