MOTHERLY REFLECTIONS

This is my 9th Mother’s day, this is my 3rd as a mom of 2. This is a job I always dreamed of having, I had no idea the whirlwind craziness that would ensue. Being a mom is something I now realize isn’t in the cards for everyone by choice or by fate, that is OK. I have friends who swore they never wanted kids, and it did sound odd to me ar first, but sometimes you gotta know a little more to understand, there is always a reason behind it. Either way your choice is your choice, I chose this path.

This is a path definitely not for the faint of heart. This is a constant land of Joy, sadness. Bliss, and worry. Chaos and perfection. You bring forth tiny people who are their own entire person, and you watch them grow and evolve into humans who join this world and make an impact of some sort. I can surely attest the mom I was 9 years ago, is not the mom I am today. Kids teach you about yourself, about life, about priorities. I know a baby, toddler or young child can be the mirror of reflection you’ve been hiding from your whole life. It is also the one mirror that really hits home and brings you to become inspired to Be better. Do better. Find better. I finished my Bachelor’s degree the summer my 1st was born. When my 2nd was nearing birth I made changes at work to set myself up for growth. We’ve started a business, done countless job changes. Shift changes. All for the betterment of our lives with our kids at the heart of that.

With that said, it doesn’t mean my kids get all they want, when they want. We just want to ensure they lack for nothing as long as we can possibly do so, and allowing ourselves to live moderately. These kids can be brats and annoying and irritating but at the end of the day, it is my duty to teach them right from wrong. Greed is not ok, kindness is a must. Love always, peace, serenity, finding your passion and chasing it while not intentionally hurting people. Life is a balance and motherhood becomes a juggling act, but Gosh it is the most beautiful juggle. Some days I wont lie, all the balls drop and I just wanna curl up and cry, but other days life is a song and everything in it harmonizes a beautiful perfect melody. Life, love, finding God, becoming a mother all teach you so much about yourself. It is a college of self reflection. Sometimes you are proud, sometimes you feel a failure.

No matter where you find yourself in the journey. Know you are a kick ass mom, as long as you are Loving and caring and trying these kids know you are the safe haven that won’t ever leave them or hurt them so for that they think you walk on water. My girls are the constant reinforcement that I am doing ok, they randomly hug me. Kiss me and sometimes that tiny I love you mami, hits more deeply when I feel inadequacies in what I am doing. So you got this mamas. Keep your chin up. Hug those babies and know you have a hand in changing this world by sending out kind loving soldiers into it. Blessings to all who read this, to the beautiful moms and the awesome dads who either do this journey hand in hand or kick ass in coparenting. It takes a village. I pray you have a great one. Xoxoxo

Can we make a pact?

Alright. Here goes nothing…

Let us all repeat after me… I will not allow myself to come out of Quarantine a broken person, worse than I started, or less motivated than ever. This time has been a gift to reset, reboot, and rekindle some passions of ours, talents, unearth new capabilities we held deep within.

We should not come out of this bitter or upset. The time away at home was a time we will never again see, God willing, in our lifetimes again. This time is unique to us in an era where creating content, art, media is so accessible, we literally could create and or do just about anything from the comfort of our homes. So much so that an incredible Kindness movement is taking place via Social Media and it is becoming a reality in our Actual non-virtual world.

So let’s do it. Let’s make a pact that once this is all over. We will continue to be or strive to be the people with passion. Purpose. Motivation..focus that we were in quarantine. I know it has its ups and downs. But I promise it will all work out in the end.

Social distancing work and Life

Today’s an odd day I “left” work early only to find myself getting a call that my Mom in Law was not feeling well…

To the point medical intervention would be needed. It was like my day was meant to be short to help deal with some of this added stress and anxiety. As Covid rampages through our state, that means hospitals are cracked down on visitor policies. So she was taken Alone to the hospital. It has been hours and were still awaiting news.

Social distancing the newest hot topic among many annoying topics for those who cannot comprehend that this virus can be fatal for so many. Seemingly healthy people are very ill and some are dying. My mom in law is not only elderly. She is recovering from Chemo. She is battling a host of other things amongst the fact she lives with a pacemaker. She is the bearer of life for my husband. She is the light in my daughters eyes…and we are helpless to know anything.

Hold your loved ones close, stay home if you can. Stay safe. You dont know what will come of this, but the last thing you need is regrets for exposing and putting someone you love at risk. We’ve taken all the precautions and this is unrelated to covid, but now she is in the epicenter of the worst cases of it while trying to be treated for something else.

All we’ve got is prayers and hope that everyone is doing their job to the best of their ability and then some. To help keep her safe from getting anything else. And to help her get better.

Busy busy week

This week started with birthdays last week, then my niece turned 2 yesterday. We sang happy birthday via video chat. It felt weird but so wonderful to see my family. Then today my baby brother turns 16!!! Amazing right. We’ll he got his biggest birthday wish. A Birthday Twin. We welcomed my newest niece just a few minutes ago!!! She’s perfect

God bless us everyone. Life doesn’t stop because we are in quarantine. It becomes infinitely more interesting in how we channel the remarkable joys of Love. Life and family.

Hope you are staying safe. God bless!!!

Siblings day!!

It is National Sibling day y’all. Can I just share how much I love this group of people. I mean they are everything!!! My first best friends. My confidants. My walls of reflection. My inspiration. My motivation. They are remarkable people. Beautiful people inside and out. Amazing friends, sons. Daughters, moms and dad, uncles and aunts. I am blessed to be their oldest sister, but really I am blessed to have every single one of them. I love you all for the incredible human beings you are and for the amazing souls that will forever be bonded to mine. Xoxo happy siblings day!!!

Rejoined the Workforce

Covid-19 is kicking our asses here in CT. We’ve been quarantined for weeks and it continues to grow. I was out of work for 2 weeks, due to high risk. They did extend the leave for me automatically however growing stir crazy, I asked again if they’d allow me to work from home. Finally they said yes. So yesterday I went back into my office building which generally houses 700 people yesterday it held but a few dozen people. My team was half gone. The rest leaving yesterday to work from home too. I am grateful for having a job that covered me and paid me while adjusting this. Making changes to our process on the fly. Banking is no joke friends we literally never shut down and this covid kicked us into gear.

Good luck to you all. Blessings

Mental Space…

Hello, hope this post finds you well. Healthy, happy, safe, surrounded by loved ones. May you be financially stable and blessed by all measures.

I don’t know about you, but this Covid is kicking my butt…I have been home now for 11 consecutive days, and I gotta tell you my brain is wearing thin, my patience is low. I am beginning to feel helpless. My mind is not ok, and It is reflecting itselt outwards towards my family. I don’t like it, but I also literally cannot help it. I go from happy to snapping at everything in 2 seconds. Anyone wrestling with this lack of Personal Mental space?

Everywhere I turn there is someone. Husband or kids. Someone wants or needs something at all times it feels like. I barely get any time to myself and I am mentally drained unlike anything I have ever experienced in my life.

I will seek resources from work this week, I am not working due to High Risk conditions and thankfully work for a company that is paying for this. I feel unproductive and it is affecting me in all senses of my being. I am a woman of Faith so prayers are lifted daily multiple times, but In human land, I am struggling. I am annoyed to the point where I don’t desire to connect with anyone. I want to retreat and be alone. With several weeks ahead, I fear this will progressively get worse.

If you have felt or are feeling this way. What have you done? I tried telling my husband and he looked at me like I had 3 heads. He is working reluctantly but he gets out. He can drive alone and have his own time. Even at home. He plays video games and enjoys his own personal space without being interrupted… meanwhile I just want to cry.

Anyone got tips? Words? Something? A girl could use any words. Thanks.

Stay strong friends. Stay safe. We are all in this together. And if were All alone. Were together in that too.