Another one… God why

The news is a constant reminder of all that is wrong in this world and all that requires Prayer and God’s divine intervention. Mothers losing their children, children losing parents, people losing their lives because of ignorance, selfishness and just straight up inequality of races.

We all come from the earth and to the earth we shall return, meaning my skin color should NOT influence how you treat meā€¦God bless all of the ones taken too soon by Police brutality. They are committed to protect and serve and clearly we are filling some of their minds with improper mindsets that lead to this excessive abuse of their power. I pray for those Good cops to keep on doing Good. Because we Need you. I also pray for those who have been corrupted to harbor hate or disdain for people whom differ from you, may God bring you clarity and help you see the error of your ways.

To the families of every single person killed by these outrageous acts, May God have mercy and bring you peace, but also give you strength to rise and be Bold and fight the good fight for Equality, for Peace, for Love. We need more Love, peace and more of God. Less hate. More understanding.

We should not live in Fear of one another, but rather help one another. Friends stay safe, stay strong. Peace be with you.

The mere fact that people are not more outraged by these recent deaths frightens me to my core. People have become so disassociated from one another that we cannot feel true empathy for others..we cannot connect like we need to with others around us. That is the fact that is frightening, we Long for connection, but fail to make true connections. We need to wake up! We need to see the error of our ways and fix the path were on.

Prayer and action is needed. We need faith, we need hope. We need Love. We need God. Nothing and no one can defeat the power of God. The power of Love. The unbelievable power of a deep connection! We need to do better, for our sons. Our daughters. For ourselves.

Almost 4 years later…

It’s been nearly 4 years…since we Lost baby #2. I try to not rethink it, but I was pregnant 4 yrs ago, and didn’t know it. My hopes and dreams were going to seemingly come true, and then they didn’t.

I’m not angry anymore, but I keep our messages between my husband and I stumbled upon this time in 2016. I sound so incredibly angry and I can see now, that it was masking the sheer volume of pain physical and sheer agony emotionally. Something we both wanted, that I’d share while laying in bed together, the hug he gave me, when I told him we were pregnant is forever engraved in my mind.

A moment so perfect, you just had to be there, you should be so lucky to have another like it. We kept it to ourselves, and we prayed everything would work out. Simply because that year, there had been a lot in our families with babies that had gone wrong.

Then, it all came crashing. Bleeding and pain that I can’t describe, sorrow for being totally helpless at keeping my body from rejecting the very dream we prayed for. It didn’t quit, I had to face the doctors alone, because we had a kid already and she couldn’t know what was happening. After it was said and done, the dr at the hospital had the worlds worst bedside manner I had ever seen. She acted as though this was a blood clot from a standard period, not a baby I prayed for passing. She wasn’t empathetic and for her behavior I still get angry.

I spent months in and out of depression, masking it, pretending to be ok. I mentioned it in passing to those closest to me, but I didnt dwell on it with them. Alone….that was a different story. Alone, I was hurt, i was angry, and upset. I asked God. I prayed over my body and prayed that it would soon pass….

Now, it’s been 4yrs. We have a gorgeous 2yr old and life is remarkable. I am blessed beyond measure even if my heart can’t understand the purpose of the events 4 years ago. I just want to say to all the moms out there. You are amazing, you are remarkable, you are extraordinary. Keep moving forward. The more we’re willing to do, the easier.

Xo

MOTHERLY REFLECTIONS

This is my 9th Mother’s day, this is my 3rd as a mom of 2. This is a job I always dreamed of having, I had no idea the whirlwind craziness that would ensue. Being a mom is something I now realize isn’t in the cards for everyone by choice or by fate, that is OK. I have friends who swore they never wanted kids, and it did sound odd to me ar first, but sometimes you gotta know a little more to understand, there is always a reason behind it. Either way your choice is your choice, I chose this path.

This is a path definitely not for the faint of heart. This is a constant land of Joy, sadness. Bliss, and worry. Chaos and perfection. You bring forth tiny people who are their own entire person, and you watch them grow and evolve into humans who join this world and make an impact of some sort. I can surely attest the mom I was 9 years ago, is not the mom I am today. Kids teach you about yourself, about life, about priorities. I know a baby, toddler or young child can be the mirror of reflection you’ve been hiding from your whole life. It is also the one mirror that really hits home and brings you to become inspired to Be better. Do better. Find better. I finished my Bachelor’s degree the summer my 1st was born. When my 2nd was nearing birth I made changes at work to set myself up for growth. We’ve started a business, done countless job changes. Shift changes. All for the betterment of our lives with our kids at the heart of that.

With that said, it doesn’t mean my kids get all they want, when they want. We just want to ensure they lack for nothing as long as we can possibly do so, and allowing ourselves to live moderately. These kids can be brats and annoying and irritating but at the end of the day, it is my duty to teach them right from wrong. Greed is not ok, kindness is a must. Love always, peace, serenity, finding your passion and chasing it while not intentionally hurting people. Life is a balance and motherhood becomes a juggling act, but Gosh it is the most beautiful juggle. Some days I wont lie, all the balls drop and I just wanna curl up and cry, but other days life is a song and everything in it harmonizes a beautiful perfect melody. Life, love, finding God, becoming a mother all teach you so much about yourself. It is a college of self reflection. Sometimes you are proud, sometimes you feel a failure.

No matter where you find yourself in the journey. Know you are a kick ass mom, as long as you are Loving and caring and trying these kids know you are the safe haven that won’t ever leave them or hurt them so for that they think you walk on water. My girls are the constant reinforcement that I am doing ok, they randomly hug me. Kiss me and sometimes that tiny I love you mami, hits more deeply when I feel inadequacies in what I am doing. So you got this mamas. Keep your chin up. Hug those babies and know you have a hand in changing this world by sending out kind loving soldiers into it. Blessings to all who read this, to the beautiful moms and the awesome dads who either do this journey hand in hand or kick ass in coparenting. It takes a village. I pray you have a great one. Xoxoxo

Can we make a pact?

Alright. Here goes nothing…

Let us all repeat after me… I will not allow myself to come out of Quarantine a broken person, worse than I started, or less motivated than ever. This time has been a gift to reset, reboot, and rekindle some passions of ours, talents, unearth new capabilities we held deep within.

We should not come out of this bitter or upset. The time away at home was a time we will never again see, God willing, in our lifetimes again. This time is unique to us in an era where creating content, art, media is so accessible, we literally could create and or do just about anything from the comfort of our homes. So much so that an incredible Kindness movement is taking place via Social Media and it is becoming a reality in our Actual non-virtual world.

So let’s do it. Let’s make a pact that once this is all over. We will continue to be or strive to be the people with passion. Purpose. Motivation..focus that we were in quarantine. I know it has its ups and downs. But I promise it will all work out in the end.

Social distancing work and Life

Today’s an odd day I “left” work early only to find myself getting a call that my Mom in Law was not feeling well…

To the point medical intervention would be needed. It was like my day was meant to be short to help deal with some of this added stress and anxiety. As Covid rampages through our state, that means hospitals are cracked down on visitor policies. So she was taken Alone to the hospital. It has been hours and were still awaiting news.

Social distancing the newest hot topic among many annoying topics for those who cannot comprehend that this virus can be fatal for so many. Seemingly healthy people are very ill and some are dying. My mom in law is not only elderly. She is recovering from Chemo. She is battling a host of other things amongst the fact she lives with a pacemaker. She is the bearer of life for my husband. She is the light in my daughters eyes…and we are helpless to know anything.

Hold your loved ones close, stay home if you can. Stay safe. You dont know what will come of this, but the last thing you need is regrets for exposing and putting someone you love at risk. We’ve taken all the precautions and this is unrelated to covid, but now she is in the epicenter of the worst cases of it while trying to be treated for something else.

All we’ve got is prayers and hope that everyone is doing their job to the best of their ability and then some. To help keep her safe from getting anything else. And to help her get better.

Busy busy week

This week started with birthdays last week, then my niece turned 2 yesterday. We sang happy birthday via video chat. It felt weird but so wonderful to see my family. Then today my baby brother turns 16!!! Amazing right. We’ll he got his biggest birthday wish. A Birthday Twin. We welcomed my newest niece just a few minutes ago!!! She’s perfect

God bless us everyone. Life doesn’t stop because we are in quarantine. It becomes infinitely more interesting in how we channel the remarkable joys of Love. Life and family.

Hope you are staying safe. God bless!!!

Siblings day!!

It is National Sibling day y’all. Can I just share how much I love this group of people. I mean they are everything!!! My first best friends. My confidants. My walls of reflection. My inspiration. My motivation. They are remarkable people. Beautiful people inside and out. Amazing friends, sons. Daughters, moms and dad, uncles and aunts. I am blessed to be their oldest sister, but really I am blessed to have every single one of them. I love you all for the incredible human beings you are and for the amazing souls that will forever be bonded to mine. Xoxo happy siblings day!!!