Wednesdays…

Well to most people its mid-week, humpday, woman crush wednesday, the begginning of the near start of the weekend….to me its a day during which I harbor much hope of closeness and intimacy with my beloved, a day I apparently expect far too much, from someone far too involved in their own cluelessness…

Week after week I harbor hopes of having moments where we rekindle the beginnings of this long relationship. 13 years is not in vain, when we are good we are great, chemistry, the know-how its there and it is strong, but these days….post baby 6 weeks out…. i long for more, and I try hard to give subtle hints, but I get nothing in return….

So…. Wednesday a day in which I continue to harbor hope, and yet have yet to find my sanctuary and attention I seek. The connection I desire, will not be here this Wednesday so until next week I suppose… enjoy your mid week pick me up ir whatever it is you call it.

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Transitions

The last few months of my pregnancy were spent feeling fairly terrible either from extreme pain in my back and legs or simply having headaches, vision issues and dizziness. So in short I spent as little time as possible making purchases inside actual stores. Most purchases made even simple things like breast feeding pads I ordered online. So now that I am remotely mobile again and regaining my independence, stores surprisingly stress me out. I feel anxious and eager to leave as quickly as possible. It is so bizarre. We visited the mall twice this week trip 1 was ok, not long, not terrible. Trip 2 I was hopeful to grab a few items after doing our acitivities, honestly i wish I could have browsed everything digitally and purchased things that way. In short I walked out empty handed. I find myself grabbing items in pharmacies and small shops to avoid the pressures of larger retailers. It is such a foreign feeling to be like this, I am hoping it is the chemical balances coming back to order, but we’re nearly a month out and it doesn’t feel any better. Doctors appointments are coming up in another week, so I will discuss these concern then. Until then keep us in good thoughts as we grow our family to our new normal.

False pretenses

You said you wanted to be there, be helpful, be supportive…but with the smallest requests you get bothered. I do not know why bother taking time off, pretending to care, when in the end it doesnt really matter to you at all. We are the sideshow, while everything else rides shotgun in your little world built solely for your enjoyment.

Cold…distant

Been 6 days since our world changed from 3 to 4. I cannot help but feel some resentment and disappointment at the fact that my partner is being so cold and distant. While home to be of help, we appear to be an inconvenience to them. Your older sister seems to be a bother to them, and we seem to be a bit of an inconvenient annoyance in their day. My heart hurts perhaps its hormones or maybe disappointment, but I just want to feel whole and right now it does not feel good to me. I feel sad, i feel hurt, i feel all alone.

You took my breath away…

March the month filled with so many hopes and dreams. Some were dashed but one held true, the arrival of our 2nd born daughter. This time we had it planned and scheduled, we knew what was to come. Nothing could even prepare us to first lay eyes on you. In that moment 8:06am you took my breath away. I knew you were coming, i felt you near, i felt you move, i didnt know what you would look like, and baby girl you looked perfect and took my breath away.

I love you M.G.C.

Forevermore, your mom.

Neverending Journey

You guys, it has been months of viewings, showings, and trips endlessly weekend after weekend. We put an offer, we got it accelted, we have done so much work, and now the mortgage process is stuck. Where we live we have had no landlord for some time, and it is literally costing us our dream home.

We have done all in our power to get things squared away, we are now taking it as perhaps we are not ready to take that step. Sucks we mentioned it to people and now it won’t come to pass. Makes the end of this pregnancy very uncertain and depressing, more so than it normally does.

Praying for guidance, peace and comfort, and wisdom to make the right moves going forward to be able to make it happen.

Pray with us and for us to move past this.

Neverending Journey

You guys, it has been months of viewings, showings, and trips endlessly weekend after weekend. We put an offer, we got it accelted, we have done so much work, and now the mortgage process is stuck. Where we live we have had no landlord for some time, and it is literally costing us our dream home.

We have done all in our power to get things squared away, we are now taking it as perhaps we are not ready to take that step. Sucks we mentioned it to people and now it won’t come to pass. Makes the end of this pregnancy very uncertain and depressing, more so than it normally does.

Praying for guidance, peace and comfort, and wisdom to make the right moves going forward to be able to make it happen.

Pray with us and for us to move past this.