Not passing judgment, but curious about something. How does one gloat about being an excellent parent but never have your child under your care-even when you are home, and of being excellent spouse when your home is in disarray. To be a great parent, one must be present, one puts the childs emotional and physical needs first. To be a great parent you find the balance between tough and lenient. You are there, even when you wish you could run away, you are there. Spouse on the other hand typically can vary based on the individual strengths of each, however providing a safe, clean, healthy environment for each other is vital to the growth and development of that relationship. So for example if I am home for an extended period, out of work lets say, then my contribution to help show my partner I care, would be to maintain our home, as to reflect my care and attention to them, through taking the bulk of that responsibility while I am home full time. This does not mean they contribute nothing in that regard, but rather a weight lifted from them because I am able to do more for a period of time, otherwise i reflect a level of either selfishness or simply carelessness if I sit home, and let the place crumble around us in filth, though i am there.

Just curious how people doing so little claim to be such great things. When people who make no claims at all, are balancing so much more with care for All they do.

Another day in Paradise…

Today I received some criticism and I wasn’t mad, but I wasn’t glad either…

I excel at what I set forth for myself…

I seek opportunities to improve, I long to be the better version of what I know I can be.

I dont appreciate the way messages are delivered sometimes but in due time.

I will process, recognize and fix the issues and start again.

God help me get through these weeks.

Simple courtesy….

When you ask, but not demand.

When you advise of what you need, but it goes unmet.

When you subtly share desires, but they go on deaf ears

When you inquire on well being, but responses go unsaid….

Then you tire of waiting on decent courtesy and long for more..

Then are you the bad person, drifting away in your mind, in your soul?

How do you connect with a wall…. you can only connect by blowing through it, that will not be the case here.

Hopes for love and longing linger, but energy begins to fade…

Amazingly Happy/Sad news

Another week for the books, news upon news galore…

Actual Literal news of deaths and shootings and tragedy across this “great” nation of ours… seems lately everything is charged with hate and huge disparity.
I will not head down the path of discussing the leadership that has openly welcomed this type of behavior. All I will say is my heart bleeds for the families losing loved ones over senseless irrational violent acts fueled by lies and twisted thoughts of what the reality is.

Anyhow… at my own personal level, I didn’t get a job I applied for, I missed applying for a job I would have been a total SHOE in for, literally 6 of my peers in my same position got the Job i didn’t apply for. Leaving behind all sorts of Gaps and issues to cover, but literally no one cares about the Role I remain in. We are the dumping ground for all the junk no one wants. Then as news couldn’t get any happier…


My daughter finally got accepted into one of the better Magnet schools in our nearby district, the news hit me like a ton of bricks, bittersweet. I loved her school and staff, but I know this is better for her. and surprisingly she TOOK the news so well she was excited for a new chapter how could I possibly rain on her parade. God is good, and acts in mysterious ways. He always supplies thingsĀ  when we least expect them but need them most.

it has been a week, now I have to share my good news but yet sad news because we say goodbye to the familiar faces we have seen for four years…


oh the seasonal changes and changes in general always hurt…. but each one ending in beauty and the next bringing a different type of beautiful.

Pray for us, Wish us well and we face new changes and challenges.

Praying it is all for the better.

My old man…

July 26th, my grandfather passed on to be with the Lord.

This brought bitter sweet memories.

Remembering the final days where he no longer remembered us.

Remembering the days long before he got ill. Remembering the funny stories and his cackling belly laugh that will forever resonate in my mind.

Most of all… it brought deep sadness that my grandma parted ways with the man she shared over 55years with.

My mom lost her dad whom she loved so much

My uncles and aunts lost a brother.

My daughter experienced her first sense of loss from a loved one. She was far too little when my dad’s mom passed years ago. It is unlike anything else when you have to share news to your child. And you see their heart break before your eyes.

My hearts been through a roller coaster of emotions, I cannot begin to imagine my poor mom, or my grandma.

So for today think happy thoughts. Send happy thoughts. Think of us for a little while.