Today I had the pleasure of having some fun and quality time with my sisters and nieces. 4 women and 4 babies under the age of 2. We decided to do some artsy tiedye. During the course of the day we chatted away as women often do. It became clear to me we shared a common thing, life in it’s purest form is messy. Life as wives and moms is messy. We go about doing everything we can get our hands on and fill up our days, 3 of the 4 currently either not working by maternity or layoffs. We fill our daytime with chores and appointments and meetings, but at the end of the day we do it all for love of our families.
Life is not this perfect harmony, it isnt always being happy, it is not always being right, or in sync with those who surround you, it is the contrary. Life is the hot mess that transpires when a collective of people come together and decide to share in this wild journey as one or as a unit. Its the chaos that ensues when it is dinner time. Or laundry time. It is loving and giving and caring and worrying and fixing and working and forgiving and understanding. It is all that and so much more, so today amidst the fun, we shared the messy parts the not perfect areas and felt good about the fact that we all live it, we all work on it and some days it cleans up and other days it remains messy. Through it all we are grateful and we are glad to have each other to lean on.
Tonight I had a quiet heartbreaking moment with my oldest child. In the aftermath I reached out to my husband to discuss where we need put forth more strong efforts. Here is what i sent to him…
“Babygirl’s ezcema patches are flaring up real crazy. She just started crying when I helped lotion her skin, cuz she thinks she looks ugly. Its our Job to make her feel value regardless of appearance. She is perfect just the way she is. Let us Please always ensure to build her up, the world will surely take care of making her feel like crap. Her crying because her patches are flaring and make her ugly broke my heart. Just a heads up, she looks to you as her dad and male role model for approval. What we sow in her is what will either build her up or make her insecure and look for approval in shitty men… i love you. Lets work together to help fill that need and make her secure in her own skin…literally and generally”
You see sometimes we take for granted the little moments and opportunities we get to show people the value we see in them. Our oldest child is the following; kind, loving, funny, smart, creative, witty, goofy, sweet, gentle, friendly, positive, encouraging, she is a leader, she is beautiful quite literally but also within, she touches the most tender strings of my heart with her genuinely beautiful spirit. The thought that a mere patch on her skin can bring insecurities to light to make her feel anything but what she is, breaks me. This world will surely continue taking our babies and destroying them, unless we wake up from the trance medias have put us under. We can do better, we will do better for our kids. Feelings of
Love and self worth begin at home.
Have you shared with loved ones hos special they are to you? Do it and see what happens.
Well to most people its mid-week, humpday, woman crush wednesday, the begginning of the near start of the weekend….to me its a day during which I harbor much hope of closeness and intimacy with my beloved, a day I apparently expect far too much, from someone far too involved in their own cluelessness…
Week after week I harbor hopes of having moments where we rekindle the beginnings of this long relationship. 13 years is not in vain, when we are good we are great, chemistry, the know-how its there and it is strong, but these days….post baby 6 weeks out…. i long for more, and I try hard to give subtle hints, but I get nothing in return….
So…. Wednesday a day in which I continue to harbor hope, and yet have yet to find my sanctuary and attention I seek. The connection I desire, will not be here this Wednesday so until next week I suppose… enjoy your mid week pick me up ir whatever it is you call it.