Fear of moving on..

This summer, took us on a not so Hawaiian rollercoaster ride…

We had joys and excitement, and as quickly as we adjusted to new changes, there came devastating changes that took place.
I honestly don’t think i have dealt with the loss of a pregnancy,  i never in a million years thought i would experience it and feel it so deeply.

I look at the happy expecting mothers all around me, while I rejoice for them.genuinely, i also think to myself how that isnt me right now

 How my world changed upside down,  the moment the drs confirmed my greatest fear. We decided we’d embrace whetever came our way, but i wasnt ready for this… my heart simply wasn’t ready for a loss. My nights are sad and my heart though full of love for my 1 daughter, hurts for the lost possibility we had with this unborn baby. I long for and desire nothing more than to obtain my very own rainbow baby, bur each passing month is a reminder of what I dont have and wont be having in the near future. Its heart wrenching…

Needing to write out my emotions, is crucial for me. Processing life is hard, but when you are of a creative mind, words spoken often times arent easy, to me writing is my spoken word.

And still i rise, i hope and have faith of whats to come…


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