Journey of a lifetime

Journeys are meant to be fun explorative experiences during which we often find out things about ourselves we didn’t already know. Marriage and children is a unique journey many of us take. We all live similar experiences but the outcome can be so varied due to the different personalities which compose our family unit.

Our journey down this path began over ten years ago, but ten years ago we got married, we vowed to do til death do us part. It’s been one hell of a ride, see we were so young, we thought we ruled the world. The first couple years we struggled to find our way rhythm, then came baby. With baby we found a renewed sense of life love and commitment. She helped us evolve and grow and mature. Furthermore we had someone we both loved unequivocally. No one else could understand us but each other, making it essential for us to focus on the marriage.

Fast forward to married year 9. Find us getting news. We were expecting again. We’d spent some years trying for baby two to no avail. The year prior we’ve had a misscarriage it crushed us. Needless to say year ten brought us baby two. Our family is complete the journeys been long, but the destinations have been well worth it.

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Fathers everywhere

Today a special day, a day in which we celebrate dads. We are both blessed to have ours around, they raised us in the same home as our moms. They cared for us the best way they knew how. We get to celebrate them today, I am blessed to also have my grandpa, my last remaining. He is a bit incapacitated last week his health took a downturn and he ended up in the hospital. While visiting him though, we got to laugh and enjoy silly moments which will surely last in my mind forever. He has dementia and little by little we are losing the man we once knew. Breaks my heart, but i am ever so grateful to have him near. Our family grew by one new daddy this year. I have several brothers in law they are now all dads. They are all awesome. My brother, one of two, is a dad to five kids, he does the job like it is something in his bones. Amazing man. We are blessed to have my husband, he’s a daddy to two girls and he loves this task. He rocks at daddy hood. Im so proud of how he’s grown and evolved. I fall in love more when i see him with them. Overall my dad and all the dads in our lives were loved pampered and spoiled by all of us. May we remember to do it daily

It is messy…

Today I had the pleasure of having some fun and quality time with my sisters and nieces. 4 women and 4 babies under the age of 2. We decided to do some artsy tiedye. During the course of the day we chatted away as women often do. It became clear to me we shared a common thing, life in it’s purest form is messy. Life as wives and moms is messy. We go about doing everything we can get our hands on and fill up our days, 3 of the 4 currently either not working by maternity or layoffs. We fill our daytime with chores and appointments and meetings, but at the end of the day we do it all for love of our families.

Life is not this perfect harmony, it isnt always being happy, it is not always being right, or in sync with those who surround you, it is the contrary. Life is the hot mess that transpires when a collective of people come together and decide to share in this wild journey as one or as a unit. Its the chaos that ensues when it is dinner time. Or laundry time. It is loving and giving and caring and worrying and fixing and working and forgiving and understanding. It is all that and so much more, so today amidst the fun, we shared the messy parts the not perfect areas and felt good about the fact that we all live it, we all work on it and some days it cleans up and other days it remains messy. Through it all we are grateful and we are glad to have each other to lean on.

A remider to us for the betterment of our kids

Tonight I had a quiet heartbreaking moment with my oldest child. In the aftermath I reached out to my husband to discuss where we need put forth more strong efforts. Here is what i sent to him…

“Babygirl’s ezcema patches are flaring up real crazy. She just started crying when I helped lotion her skin, cuz she thinks she looks ugly. Its our Job to make her feel value regardless of appearance. She is perfect just the way she is. Let us Please always ensure to build her up, the world will surely take care of making her feel like crap. Her crying because her patches are flaring and make her ugly broke my heart. Just a heads up, she looks to you as her dad and male role model for approval. What we sow in her is what will either build her up or make her insecure and look for approval in shitty men… i love you. Lets work together to help fill that need and make her secure in her own skin…literally and generally”

You see sometimes we take for granted the little moments and opportunities we get to show people the value we see in them. Our oldest child is the following; kind, loving, funny, smart, creative, witty, goofy, sweet, gentle, friendly, positive, encouraging, she is a leader, she is beautiful quite literally but also within, she touches the most tender strings of my heart with her genuinely beautiful spirit. The thought that a mere patch on her skin can bring insecurities to light to make her feel anything but what she is, breaks me. This world will surely continue taking our babies and destroying them, unless we wake up from the trance medias have put us under. We can do better, we will do better for our kids. Feelings of

Love and self worth begin at home.

Have you shared with loved ones hos special they are to you? Do it and see what happens.

Wednesdays…

Well to most people its mid-week, humpday, woman crush wednesday, the begginning of the near start of the weekend….to me its a day during which I harbor much hope of closeness and intimacy with my beloved, a day I apparently expect far too much, from someone far too involved in their own cluelessness…

Week after week I harbor hopes of having moments where we rekindle the beginnings of this long relationship. 13 years is not in vain, when we are good we are great, chemistry, the know-how its there and it is strong, but these days….post baby 6 weeks out…. i long for more, and I try hard to give subtle hints, but I get nothing in return….

So…. Wednesday a day in which I continue to harbor hope, and yet have yet to find my sanctuary and attention I seek. The connection I desire, will not be here this Wednesday so until next week I suppose… enjoy your mid week pick me up ir whatever it is you call it.

Transitions

The last few months of my pregnancy were spent feeling fairly terrible either from extreme pain in my back and legs or simply having headaches, vision issues and dizziness. So in short I spent as little time as possible making purchases inside actual stores. Most purchases made even simple things like breast feeding pads I ordered online. So now that I am remotely mobile again and regaining my independence, stores surprisingly stress me out. I feel anxious and eager to leave as quickly as possible. It is so bizarre. We visited the mall twice this week trip 1 was ok, not long, not terrible. Trip 2 I was hopeful to grab a few items after doing our acitivities, honestly i wish I could have browsed everything digitally and purchased things that way. In short I walked out empty handed. I find myself grabbing items in pharmacies and small shops to avoid the pressures of larger retailers. It is such a foreign feeling to be like this, I am hoping it is the chemical balances coming back to order, but we’re nearly a month out and it doesn’t feel any better. Doctors appointments are coming up in another week, so I will discuss these concern then. Until then keep us in good thoughts as we grow our family to our new normal.

False pretenses

You said you wanted to be there, be helpful, be supportive…but with the smallest requests you get bothered. I do not know why bother taking time off, pretending to care, when in the end it doesnt really matter to you at all. We are the sideshow, while everything else rides shotgun in your little world built solely for your enjoyment.