Does it work?

Now, I am going to preface this with very simple phrasing…everyone is entitled to their opinion and ultimately it is Your decision.

The following is the retelling and accounting of my Family’s first hand experience with Covid-19 and the Vaccine.

It all started the 1st week of February. I had been sick just the weeks before with a sore sore throat. Tested 3x for covid all negative. I was on an upswing. Felt good. Visited my mom for the 1st time in weeks. Made 1 night of dinner plans. Life was business as usual (covid) mode. Being careful, minimizing outings etc. Lo and behold I go to dinner, nothing unusual, place not overtly full, pretty chill atmosphere. Nothing out of the norm. Come that weekend, I began to feel sinus pain, could I honestly be sick again, gosh here we go…

Sinus pain bothersome, found some decongestant pills I had from a previous illness months ago, and figured well try it. Day went by fine. Feeling pressure on my face I said let me schedule a quick urgent care visit and nip this in the bud. I wasn’t feeling awful, but bad enough to need help and relief. Next day morning comes, I begin feeling worse and my sense of taste was slightly off, began to worry, go to the doctor. Describe everything. They suggest testing for covid among their many ways to try snd sort it out. Chose a rapid test. As I am walking out, they get results, call me back, I tested Positive. How could this be? We literally take all precautions, and outside of the mom visit and dinner I did nothing except necessary doctor appointments.

I sit shocked in my car, come home and cry. My husband ready and willing to help goes into clean mode. Tells me to stay put in our bedroom. And off we go. Our kids were healthy, he was healthy but I was sick. Quarantine begins. He calls his hotline at work they suggest holding off testing for the rest of our family. Then the baby got sick, but she bounced back before days end. Needless to say since she showed sickness they now recommended testing for all. Lo and behold Both kids were positive, but my husband was NOT. How in the world did this happen. He was surely outnumbered 3 sick females and only 1 of him. With no hope for rescue because we’d never entertain bringing anyone to be exposed.

He waited a week to Retest, the kids remained fine. I felt horrible, anyone who compares this to a basic flu clearly hasn’t had either. This was the most draining sickness I have ever felt. Literally too weak to stay awake for more than a couple hours at a time. Not hungry, not anything. Just leave me be and let me sleep mode every single day. Muscle pain, and just sheer exhaustion. A week went by my husband retested. Still Negative. He felt fine, handled everything. Disinfected everything. Bless his heart. He can’t cook to save his life but he did the best he could.

Fast forward 3 weeks out he Retested- still Negative. So what I should share about my Husband is…that my Husband is Immunocompromised, due to meds he has been on for years. My husband works In a hospital, and in December and January he was Vaccinated with the Covid Vaccine and 2nd dose. He had just enough time to Boost his immunity before I got sick. Now as I see it the Vaccine did the Job it was meant to do, diminish your body’s response to the threat of sickness. This man was Literally surrounded by Covid, cleaning up after it (we have a 2yr old) and remained Steadfast and Clear of it.

We are convinced the Vaccine does Help. And while yes perhaps All the possible long term effects are unknown, there isnt That much In the vaccines that we probably dont Already consume or have been exposed to otherwise. Vaccines have been saving lives for decades!! Why everyone is Up in arms when every year millions get a flu shot aka Vaccine, is beyond me. I get there are legitimate concerns, I honestly had my own reservations when I couldn’t find the ingredients list as I suffer from allergies where I had anaphylaxis. But even still I move forward believing this will help and I will sign up when the time comes.

Again Just a retelling of My Family’s experience and How we have Honestly seen this work.

An Attack on Marriage…

Yes yes 2020. Quarantine brought an onslaught of jokes and memes about Marriages and relationships surviving… but honestly 2021 is Kicking marriages ass right now.

Around us and even in our own relationship we have seen strides towards creating rifts, Driving us apart, and causing issues where there weren’t any. Marriage is currently Under attack. I am of Christian beliefs and I believe the enemy is hitting marriages so hard right now, and if we aren’t careful things can spiral really quickly, really badly.

Friends, be forewarned and be prepared. Pray. Talk. Spend time. Focus. Refocus. Rejoin forces and pray together. Do not let an IN to the enemy. Be mindful of what You do, where you go, who you talk to. Not everyone is out for Your relationship’s best interest..some people are out here to test the waters and destroy your not let them in or win! Be alert my friends. Be strong. Do not put yourself in the path of temptation because we can fall and fail and risk losing that which we care for most.

This message came to me as I heard different things and experiences and things happening around us, and this message came to me. MARRIAGE UNDER ATTACK. Do not allow Yours to be a casualty of this attack. Remain steadfast and focused.

Blessings. Xo

I’m coming “home”..sorta

It has been a grueling 6 month reassignment at work to a department that even six months in, I am not convinced it ever ran properly or is properly staffed.

Needless to say. Being reassigned made us grateful that we still had jobs, even if they played us by giving us notice but two days prior. Now after months of reminding us this is temporary, this is temporary, this is temporary…we finally got the Memo, we are going back “home”. Now don’t get me wrong I am estatic to go back to my regular job, but I am also terrified of the chaos we’re about to embark there, after a six month hiatus. The department had been basically short of put to sleep, now it is being revived to its full glory however we lost a LOT of awesome staff due to these temporary assignments and that means more slack to pick up when we’re already behind the few that remained.

I also need to ramp up my own learning, to teach and support my people. All the while working on spring and summer vacation coverage that usually befalls on my position. It is about to be a bumpy ride back home, but man oh man am I glad to go. Good riddance dept from the depths of my nightmares, Hello Home!!! Can’t wait.

This is my final full week in this disaster and off I go to my old_new job lol.

The loneliest Quarantine

Its been 15 days since I began this Covid journey. Thankfully I have recovered and am finally feeling like myself. No longer contagious thank goodness but treading ever so carefully.

In my home there is 4 of us, three of us were tested Positive. The remaining solo was Vaccinated both doses almost 3 weeks prior to us getting sick. We retested said Negative and they remain Negative. Thank goodness.

This 1 person Not sick or infected made for extremely lonely quarantines in our own. Bubbles. I’ve spent the past 3 days cleaning disinfecting and washing everything from clothes to towels to bed sheets couch blankets etc etc. I was finally able to spend time with my girls. But my husband remains away from the chaos. Distant as can be, to the point where it will take some time for our connection and intimacy to recover. We have strayed so far from making any connection. Conversation or anything. It’s been weeks since we even held hands or hugged.

This my friends is really the loneliest quarantine aside the one from my kids. My heart feels lonely for companionship, not my kids running amock about games or random movies and shows, but companionship of the true kind. Conversation, cuddles, hand holding, spontaneous kisses. Just feeling connected to my partner in life. It feels like far too long and it feels as though he has become complacent with our situation. His quarantine is technically over already, but he won’t budge.

I’m struggling…wish me well. To another sleepness night in a bed that has felt too big for weeks.

Covid Updates week 1

1 day in…I am beginning to feel like someone’s punching bag. I feel as though I am taking a beating here. My legs hurt in random spots, my back aches, my arms are tired. I am feeling tired but not really. Weak but not really. Smell is gone now too…Eating or drinking anything sucks.

Day 2. Loss of taste and smell make many of my homeopathic measures useless. My legs hurt. I have a random rash on my back. My head feels like a bubble ready to pop. My congestion lingers. My appetite is lacking. Im thirsty all the time. My kids…I miss my kids so damn much. I miss hugging them and hearing their giggles..i miss being able to comfort them and wipe away their tears. Ive cried more times than I can remember to count. This surely takes a hit on mental health unlike anything I have ever seen. Baby spiked a fever and threw up before bed was down. Oh no. No no no no.

Day 3: feeling same. No improvement or worsening. Kids woke up fine. Everyone is getting tested today. Then we wait… nightfall… results are in… kids are also positive husband is NOT. What in the actual hell is this nonsense. I am still in the hole waiting to pass the 10 day quarantine. My kids now have to have their own time lines. Baby from Monday. Oldest from tuesday. Husband is in sheer disbelief. Sitter came back negative. Her husband negative. Sisters husband and baby showing cold symptoms were negative sunday. And we wait….

Day 4: same crap different day. Our oldest had a mild fever before bed..woke up fine. Baby is fine. Husband is good. Yelling at everyone to stay in their designated area. He is growing tired and its day 4 of like 14 he has to deal with us. Lord help us all feel better soon. God please. Now I hear my friend who I met for dinner is feeling sick, I will feel terrible if he got sick because of me.

Day 5: Results began rolling in. 1 negative. 1 positive. Mild symptoms. My girls continue to be well. I have chills, worsening congestion. Had a horrible coughing spell in the shower and was proceeded to be treated like I was a leper. I will not go back out my room. This is it. Im not moving. Or touching anything at all even with gloves. I am falling, falling into a depressing state of defeat, which will be detrimental to my well being. Lord help me. My teeth are taking a beating. Clenching in full effect it hurts so bad. Any meds I take then make my stomach hurt for hours on end.

Day 6: girls are doing well. I am super congested but nothing seems to want to exit my body which is becoming increasingly painful all the way down to my Jaw. I am feeling like my mind is closing in and I am feeling trapped and extremely lonely. I have watched tv, movies. Listened to books..oddly enough because I have so many headaches music my usual relaxer has been the last thing on my mind. I am struggling.

Day 7: My oldest kid lost sense of smell, I am somewhat on the mend, but my oxygen took some dips. My congestion is still lingering. Youngest is doing great. I felt so drained this morning. I woke up rested, then crashed within the hour. I felt so tired most of today. I tried to shower and move around as much as I could. Everything I tried was exhausting.

It’s been a week. And All I will say is that even this a Fairly Mild form of covid, has been so entirely draining on my body. There isn’t an amount of sleep that can reset this crap. So for all those out there not caring, please care even a little, this is NOT A hoax, this is not a joke. We have lost at least 3 family members to this and have had countless friends lose family members over it. This is debilitating beyond any flu or cold I have ever had. My lungs hurt from Just breathing.

Wish everyone a Happy and Healthy 2021. Hope you enjoyed your Valentines day.

The MVP of this week is my husband dealing with Us all and the house and cleaning and keeping us hydrated and fed and clean. He has been remarkable.

How much loss can a Heart hold?

So If I tell you this was triggered by a Tiktok video, I hope you dont think any less…

I saw a mom thank her followers and supporters for being there, through the loss of her young baby daughter who died at the end of.2020. When I tell you I cried for Tessa as if it had been a family member, I am not kidding. I called out to Heaven and asked God to help that mother and family. I asked God to bring them peace and comfort.

2020 sucked so much and took So many people in our lives. Both via Covid and not. It was like a constant punch in the gut with every single loss we took. People near and far passing away. Close and distant. My heart has not been this heavy Ever. It was at every turn someone we loved was Hurting by the loss of someone.

How much loss can 1 heart take though. It is hitting that capacity point for me and I haven’t been touched even remotely how some of my extended family members were. Tragedy and loss surround us and people want to rush out and act like everything will be fine. Sure maybe yes, but what if NOT.

What then?

When the Obvious…isn’t

You ever sit and wonder how the hell things get to where they are…in any relationship.

Friendship, amorous, familial they all work based on communication or lack thereof.

Sometimes though…you wonder what the Hell occurred to let things get so off, so weird, so bad.

You say something, ask for something, and get the contrary. Like did I say it wrong?

You begin to wonder of you’re not communicating properly, if your words are muddled and confusing, if you are the problem. Then it hits you…

You are not the issue here, you are saying things straightforward, but they are falling on deaf ears. It is what it is.

Someday you will grow tired, tired of being patient, of being understanding, of being compassionate, and some day you will just be Strong enough to leave it all behind and begin anew. Or someday the winds shift and things suddenly fall into place.

Ever hear all things have a season? A season of love? Or loss? Of gain? Of crying? Of laughing? Of trying? Or quitting? A season to live, and a season to wither away… there are seasons in relationships…some are longer than others but nonetheless a season just the same.

2021 in a nutshell

It is the 7th day of the 2nd month of 2021…and already its proven to be a circus. I felt a sinus infection coming on…so ahead of a looming snow storm I scheduled an urgent care visit.

Lo and behold I tested positive for Covid19. I had tested 2 weeks prior after another sick stint affecting my throat and it was negative. Since and before then I had been Home. I work from home. I dont grocery shop, I dont visit friends, I hadn’t seen my mom in 2 weeks at least. And yet…here I sit in quarantine with my poor family.

I feel relatively ok, sinus stuffy, pressure, a little ear pain. Breathing is ok. Here’s hoping I don’t have anything crazy happen in the upcoming days…

If you are of faith, or vibes. Send prayers, good thoughts, good energy my way. This too shall pass.

A thought on.. “drivers license” by Olivia Rodrigo

1st off, i had only heard snip its of the song courtesy of tiktok… then my 10yr old came in to spill the supposed Tea surrounding the song…

Needless to say Teenage drama at its finest. However I took a wholehearted listen at the song. I am a lyrics person well over beats etc.

This song has a haunting quality that instantly transports you to that loss of a first love. It captures the heartbreak, anger, questions…all the emotions.

It hits you with the punches when she says “i just can’t imagine how you could be so Ok now that I’m gone?” I mean at ANY age whenever a breakup emerges, there is always the thought. HOW could you move on so quickly? How could you not miss me? This girl captured it beautifully. Her heartbreak led to a simple heartfelt capture of the rollercoaster of emotions. Especially when you achieve a certain freedom such as being able to drive…but now you have nowhere to drive to. You want to avoid places, people, houses…

In short a beautiful melody to throw you back and relive your breakups and know someone put them pen to paper…

I also loved the kick off to the song… the car sounds that become piano notes..incredibly clever.

All in all a fan of the singer, song and message. It’s the perfect breakup anthem.

Body’s crying out Help…

I have been sick. Nearly 2 weeks to the day. No not Covid. Not even the flu. Not strep

Seemingly viral after ample testing and prodding.

Got me a new Primary… but couldn’t be seen. Thanks to covid, people who are Actually gravely sick but not emergency room sick can’t be seen by their own doctors… even after assuring them I had 2 negative tests under my belt.

The 1 thing that has me concerned since last weekend. Is not even the original issue… but rather my blood pressure which continues to remain high. Called dr, got nurse call back, and got me a “wow that’s high” ok well we can’t see you but visit your urgent care.

Next day urgent care visit. Rehash the blood pressure…and they say doesnt look awful today we’re not concerned. Again i spike… and again i worry….

My body is crying out help in every way it can, I the hater of doctors visits have Called numerous doctors for numerous woes…and am being met less than half way. The only viable visit I have had is for my brain which was woefully broken since August and I could not bear it any longer. My function was not mine but some foreign slow forgetful wit.

But i digress my blood pressure. My body is telling me we are not ok. Even medicated I feel remotely better but nowhere near where I should be…i sang yesterday for the first time in over a week… it felt great, but put stress on me. I cannot bear to lose the things I love over things I dread…

Work is stressful, life is stressful, covid is stressful, distancing is stressful, home schooling/distance learning is stressful, having a toddler is stressful, being a wife, mom, worker, housekeeper, maid, chef is stressful. I do not have nor do I get alone time until It is nearly my eyes sealing begging to sleep. I miss my family, my siblings, my nephews and nieces. I miss laughter, and dinners with friends. I miss people.

It has been nearly a full year, and my body is crying Help… help me. Allow me rest. Allow me joy. Allow me peace. Allow me calm.

Anyway… how are you? You holding up ok?

There’s been so much loss. So much sadness as of late. I am afraid to ask those simple heartfelt inquiries…because any more sadness would be just too much to bare.

I worry. I stress. I overthink. I am sinking…and my body is showing the signs. Hopefully not too late before people behave like doctors and notice the problems. I cannot carry on like this. My head feels its going to explode… ugh.

Goodnight friends. Pray for me. I SHALL pray for you all too. For peace, love, joy, strength, calm, rest and renewal, as well as prosperity both materially and spiritual. Take care. Take me in your thoughts. See you soon.