Ya’ll can I just share I have Yet to file my Actual Taxes?!!!!! 1st time In our Married adult life I don’t file early. This is a simple tax return but it is literally causing me such stress to get through it.

Anyone else??

UPDATE; 5.11.2021

I Have never filed so late..and I couldn’t even efile!!! Oh my word. What a hot mess disaster on the last possible minute!!!

The day of Mothers is Upon us

First and foremost…I want to preface this with a small note. This post will Celebrate and acknowledge Mothers, but not just the traditional common description of it.

1st I want to Honor My mom, mami, ma, who is the most remarkable human/angel here on earth. She is such a pure example of Love and Dedication for her kids, (even the 5 of us Grown folks 30+ in age). Being in the presence of my mom I am at such wonderful peace and comfort, she is Home. I could live anywhere, go anywhere, but seeing and being with My mom will Always Be home. That is such a testament to Who she is and the life she helped us all create. She loves like no one else in my life. She is crazy and funny and sweet and always has encouragement to share. She is also my truest friend, she will call out the nonsense and make me reflect but Always always always in a Loving manner. If I need a reminder of how Loved I am, and how much someone is Cheering for me, I see my mom. She is truly the most beautiful gift God could have given me. I strive to be Like her as a mom myself, and hope to someday achieve even half her wisdom. She is just Amazing..not enough descriptive words to share who and what she is to me. 💖

Then I have my sisters, all younger than I, but all mothers themselves…3 sisters, 3 amazing but different mamas. All with different journeys and stories into motherhood. I admire them all because like myself they All strive to be the Best mama they can be. My Nieces and nephew are all in wonderful hands learning good things and I could not ask for more. Now before these women became moms in their own right, they were Aunts and Godmothers and they were already Rockin a Motherly role. Now they have beautiful kiddos whom they would move the world if need be. They each have their own unique style and each their own way to teach and discipline, but all Incredibly talented Mommas. So proud to see them come into their own.

Now in continuing the Celebration I cannot forget my grandmas whom taught me different views on life and just a different outlook due to different times living in a different country. My many aunts whom I love so dearly and cherish because they are motherly figures that just love a little differently than your mom but just as warm and comforting. My many cousins who all love and fight for their kids as fierce as lions. My Mother in law who Loves me as if I were her own daughter and whom loves my girls Like they are her world.

I also want to think of all the different types of moms, foster Moms who are the most Badass warriors whom Love for a while then Hand the children of their heart back to their families. Adoptive Moms who open their hearts and lives to a little one in need of a permanent home and do so with such selflessness. Step moms who step in and partner with moms and dads to be a cheerleader and positive influence on their beloved stepkids. Moms who have Lost their moms, who look on this day with hurt because they cant call on Mom. Moms who lost their babies and feel sadness that they cannot embrace their littles here on earth. Moms who miscarried before meeting their little ones. Moms struggling to make that thought and dream into fruition, while loving on everyone else’s littles. The Moms doing it solo, working extra hard to be everywhere and do it all for their kids. Moms who learned to be moms all on their own because they lacked support from their own moms. Moms who escaped negative chains and now struggle with burdens of the Past or even mental health. Moms who are fit, moms who are trying, moms who have it together, moms who are a Hot mess, moms of every race and color and background, Moms everywhere. Near…far…rich…poor….one thing we All have in common…is that we would literally lay our life down If it meant saving our kids. We’re all trying to make it through this remarkable and terrifying journey.

Keep your head up Mom. You are the definition of Amazing and at the end of the day Your kids think you are their whole world even if its chaotic, messy, sometimes whacky, they Love YOU. You make their home and space a safe haven where they can grow Happy.

Happy Mother’s day to All and every mom, may God bless you abundantly for doing this job to the Best of your ability. You are Angels here on earth and kids know it, which is when the world is crumbling we Always look to Mom. 💖

IF tomorrow never comes…

“Will all the love I gave her in the past…gonna be enough to last?”

Relationships are not a cake walk…by a long shot..long term relationships are work. If you are In one or have been before, you know that the amount of energy and effort required to upkeep this bond is quite hefty.

This by no means signifies a relationship is not worthwhile, but signing up for a long term relationship or marriage means you commit to working on this for a lifetime or as long as it can sustainably last. I am married and I can attest that most days we run on a sort of auto pilot, we have phases where we connect and we are so in sync…then there are times when It is just a feeling of Did you ever know me?

Needless to say, we have hit a phase of the latter, finding time seems impossible, meaningless tasks fill our days..other things have become priority, not just for 1 of us…both of us are guilty. I tend to shut down when It feels like I am beginning to beg for attention that should be mine to begin with, he drifts afar because he can’t handle all the talking some days. And the beat goes on…and we drift apart. Eventually we clash again and then it falls in sync again…but these phases depending on each individuals mental state can vary from one to the next. This phase I am already vulnerable by being kicked on my ass in every other area…so I am running on fumes. I am low with energy and even lower with enthusiam and it feels like I am sinking and he doesn’t seem to notice.

Now while you settle into my pitifulness, let me recap this partner, husband, man, has been in my life now 16 years…and counting. We have grown up together, created a family, and this man has blown every single expectation I could have ever held for him as a husband and Father. He is a provider, he cares for our family in every which way. He is supportive and motivating. I know I probably sound like a brat right now for telling you I am running on low… the vast difference between he and I is we speak different love languages and at one point they changed some for me and I struggle with finding the balance and helping him fill this….or spend the time with me.

It has been 1 solid year I have been working from home…as someone who enjoys their solitude…I can attest that I have not had a true moment of solitude in over a year. This man literally has supported me in the very little I have done for myself in the last year and frankly me saying I need solitude on my own sounds selfish to me, but I am drowning I do not feel like I am me. I haven’t had time to process my thoughts in peace. I have kids and they are here, at work I am on demand every hour of my day. My days are not mine, my nights are not mine, I serve at my local church and I give and I give and I give and I feel empty. I have love and compassion for everyone except me. So where does a partner fit jn to say enough is enough..go be you for a day..enjoy your time. Sit under a tree enjoy the calm. Reset your soul.

How do you make sure the love you give is enough to last someone amidst the bad times? How is there a measure of love that would be deemed sufficient? How does one pour out love endlessly and provide a loving comforting environment for those you love? Is anyone else really struggling again? I felt this way last year then managed to find my way back, but now I just can’t seem to shake it. The exhaustion is showing, and I cannot seem to keep it hidden behind a “mask”. I keep praying and holding on to my faith which has carried me through many of these moments…but I am running low on the energy to push through it.

Hope you are all hanging in there…keep your head up. Better days are coming, I just know they are… don’t give up. I AM NOT! NEITHER SHOULD YOU. God bless 🙏💖

Here we go Again…

I started writing this as I found out that I did not get the Job I posted for at work.

Everyone was so excited and knowing I was a shoe in, and then the unthinkable happened I didn’t get it. I had a feeling it would flop but here we are. I made it past sad, upset, and all the other things you could feel. Accepted it, but am not sitting back now. So here I am almost a week later. This week I took it upon myself to go to a Career Planner and can I just share how Amazing she was!!! I felt so at ease meeting her and It was such a great weight lifted when she recognized all my strengths and all the skills and things I bring to the table.

Life has thrown me some curve balls, but I get up push through it and keep a smile and positive attitude. I am ready to lead, to train , to be of help to many. I believe that I can make a difference and the right doors of opportunity will open themselves to me to move forward and upward. I LOVE being helpful and I enjoy teaching people things and doing it with kindness and respect.

I push forward and look forward to what is to come. Yay!!

Covid Vaccine take 2

Well, here we go round 2 of the Covid Vaccine.

Yes, I know many of us are still conflicted on the benefits, risks, getting it or not. All I can say is that our personal experience far outweighed benefits to risks, when it mattered most. So with that said and being someone with significant allergies, I have taken both shots.

1st round arm hurt like hell for nearly 3 days nothing more.

2nd round arm hurt less, but I felt/feel exhausted. Just straight up narcoleptic pass put within minutes tired. Granted being a mom does a good portion of that to me anyway. But this was exceptional sleepiness. Not much else. 2nd day in had some joint pain but took tylenol and all seems to be well even the tiredness has subsided significantly. Which is good cuz these kids dont watch themselves you know 🤣

Anyway, whatever side of the fence you’re on I will leave you with these tidbits of my own experience:

– we (myself and ny 2 kids) had covid back in feb my husband Living here, hugging, kissing loving on us Did Not get it. Only difference between us he was fully vaccinated and I wasn’t. He is immunicompromised surrounded By covid and didn’t get it.

– vaccines are NOT new, lets be honest this science has been around for decades! We just have the Better Technology to develop it quicker. Testing sure we always want to see and know Long term effects, but if the benefits significantly outweigh the risks, why defer it. (I know there are specific questions where unknown seems to be the answer and if that’s where you are, fair enough well end it there. )

– my kids cannot get a shot, usually its the kids Vaccinated, but this round its adults helping to mitigate risk for at risk members and our kids. We were lucky they had minimal impact When they got covid, but it could be ugly for some and very dangerous. I am playing my part. I am not sheep. I read, i analyze and I think through to the benefits of it all.

– i come from a huge family, I want my family together again. I miss friends, I miss people, i miss going out. This isn’t a guarantee ticket to any of these things, but it is a Step closer. So closer is better than Not moving. SO i chose closer.

Been a few weeks

Life suddenly got super busy

Work has been booming and exhausting. My skin is flaring so badly. The kids have endless energy. And celebrations from afar have abounded greatly in the last 2 weeks we gained a nephew, celebrated 4 birthdays and just a lot going on.

I am looking forward to warmer weather. Nicer days, as I write this it’s raining and depressing outside. Though It does help us clear some pollen which is surely to kick my butt in the next couple of months..

Hope you have all been well.

Just checking in. Take care friends.

Welcome Spring and the big 3

Our Youngest baby celebrated birthday number three yesterday as we welcomed spring. Needless to say the poor kid has yet to enjoy a normal birthday.

1st birthday I had knee surgery

2nd birthday covid hit

3rd birthday covid isn’t gone

Regardless of covid this kid enjoyed her day. She loved every second of the day, the fun, the gifts and just enjoyment overall of it being her day.

We enjoyed time as a family and the weatjer finally was beautiful. Thank goodness we hit spring.

Hope you’ve enjoyed your nicer milder days and are looking forward to the beautiful things to come.

Our Michaela was a rainbow baby and every passing birthday is a beautiful reminder of the loss we experienced and the beauty that time, healing and God bestowed upon us when He sent us this sweet little babe.

Our sweet baby on her “birth” day 💖

Worship Sunday

Many people save Sunday for worship should be a daily thing…but get out there today connect with your church and Give thanks! 🙏

Worship is a way of life. It isnt a song or act but a whole way of life. To live in Worship. To find God’s grace and beauty in every mundane task we do and the grand things we do or experience.

I have felt like it is sometimes dragging out of me, but in times where I truly had lost hope or light, worship brought me back, gave me strength, brought on clarity, brought on hope. So forevermore I know Life and worship and conjoined and belong together. For I would have No life if it were not for God’s grace and mercy, and therefore He is always always always worthy to be praised. I surrender my worship even when it feels like a Job, because what started as a chore will often end up being the most beautiful blessed experience for me.

Blessings y’all

WHY…just why?

Y’all if I were to break down all the ways 2020 kicked our ass I’d be writing a long time.

2021 came in hopeful, still cautious but hopeful. Then it hit us like a ton of bricks. My brother in laws mom had seemed off, he got a call from her Job no less. Telling him they had concerns for her wellbeing because she wasn’t being herself. So he speaks to his sister a nurse, who quickly took it seriously and took the mom to be seen at the ER.

You guys, the moment that 1st message came through, I felt it, in the pit of my stomach something was going wrong, little did we know. Later that day we start hearing from my sister, the news, she had a Tumor in her brain. Quite substantial and requiring surgery, literally within days. They do the surgery, she was super out of it, and then more news. It was brain cancer, super severe stages and likely to spread further (as they couldn’t remove it all) and prognosis not good at all.

Even with agressive treatment, it doesn’t bode well. Now let me backtrack some, I met my brother in law and subsequently his family nearly 11 years ago. These people are part of My family. They are close bonded like we are, his Mother is one of the sweetest ladies I have ever met, a Faith driven lady always positive and kind. Then she gets dealt this crap hand… when I tell you I sat in shock, my heart and Mind didn’t know how to sync up. My mind worked through all the ways that this was just devastating, my heart was just broken. Broken for her, her kids, her grandkids 2 of which are MY sweet innocent little nieces, the way that this could just hurt so many simultaneously. I sat there and prayed and part of me just wondered Why God why… this woman has loved You, served her family, her friends, she is kind and loving to others and she has to endure this. Her family has to live through this. I wasn’t angry, but I was hurt. I know God can do all things and if it pleased Him so, he could perform the miracle of a lifetime in this woman and all would Know there is a God and have no choice but to see if for what it is a Miracle.

2021 is already sounding like crap, but we bear hope. We hold on to faith and we push forward. GOD is in control. If you are inclined toward faith some prayers are welcome.

If you were so inclined to Donate to this wonderful woman’s cause to get her the round the clock home care she needs.